His Battle Becomes Ours

The perspective of the partner or family in a mental health struggle is valid.

This is part of a series, sharing the self-authored book, “The Hard Way: Honest Conversations about mental health in our homes, churches and communities,” which is introduced in this free post as well as this one. The funds given by paid subscribers for this post will be donated to the 988 HelpLine.

I will attempt to unpack a journey that I’ve rarely heard others share. We don’t often hear what happens after a suicide attempt. We don’t hear how a mental illness has forever changed how each day is lived. So often a person’s journey is shared while they are in the throes of the illness, but what happens when they survive? Everyone leaves, life quiets down, but the fear of that ugly thing returning is always there for an individual and family.

I didn’t keep a journal and part of me regrets it, but the exhaustion through the Hard Way was more than words could articulate. The written word has always been able to accomplish what I wanted to convey, much better than speaking up could ever do. Even so, I was unable to write anything down until the worst of it was over.

I remember the day Jack reminded me that his battle was our battle. His clarity in being able to decipher his struggle—yet knowing I was present in the midst of it as his partner—was an amazing breakthrough as we waded through the heaviness of this illness.

Depression is real. It’s a darkness that consumes the ability to think clearly. It’s your brain telling you that you are trapped and paralyzed, unable to accomplish the simplest of basic human activity such as getting out of bed and eating a meal.

Hopelessness is a real emotion and not something to just “get over.” What’s even more difficult is to share the perspective of someone who experienced mental illness from the sidelines. One of the biggest challenges of my life was watching my partner fall apart without being able to fix it.

While I know the emotional, financial and physical support were more helpful than I realized at that time, the helplessness completely paralyzed me. While his battle became our battle, truly understanding the toll it took is something I will continue to wrestle with for the rest of my life. Mental illness, like any physical ailment or addiction changes you.